Hiccup in Breastfeeding

I am 27 weeks pregnant here, sitting at my sister-in-law's wedding luncheon last summer. When I was pregnant, I had a lot of goals for my baby, and one of them was breastfeeding. My mom breastfed, my mother in law breastfed, most of my family breastfeeds their babies. I just believe that breastfeeding is the best if a woman is able to.

So I did a lot of research. I joined Facebook groups dedicated to helping moms successfully breastfeed. I was so excited! Then baby came. It really hurt. Milk didn't come in until day 3 or 4 which is normal, but I gave birth to a big boy and he needed more. I couldn't get baby to latch so at day 6 we met with a lactation consultant. Finally got baby to latch. Still hurt. We would nurse, pump, and give formula to make sure baby got enough. Around week 7, we made it to exclusively nursing. I was SO excited!

Flash forward to last week. Pediatrician was concerned about baby's weight gain. He only gained a little under 3.5 pounds in 5 months. We went in for blood tests and respiratory swabs. My little man was so good through it all but my momma heart was hurting. He had a few slight abnormal results but we couldn't find the cause. Doctor thought it might have been viral but results were negative. We go in again this weekend for another blood test but doctor wants us to supplement with formula. Broke my heart. I felt like an awful mom. Was I starving my baby? Even when we was the happiest and most contented baby you'll ever meet?

From all my research that I did, I came across lip ties and tongue ties. Apparently they are pretty common yet super undiagnosed because unless a physician is actually specifically trained in them, they slip by. Looking at pictures online, I truly believe my little boy has a lip tie and possibly a tongue tie. Symptoms of these conditions? Poor weight gain, baby "popping" off breast, short nursing times, excessively salivating, clogged ducts and mastitis for mom, etc. While baby didn't have a lot of symptoms listed, he has the ones I mentioned. I am also hopeful that this is what he has because it is easily corrected. It has to be done by what the internet calls a "preferred provider" which is a physician specifically trained in diagnosing and treating ties. I found one about half an hour from us. Made an appointment for 2 weeks from now. Guys, I am so nervous yet so anxious. This could save my breastfeeding journey with my babe.

Until then, we are nursing normally and I'm giving him 2-4 oz of formula afterward, basically whatever he'll take. I'm hoping he will gain weight in the meantime and then after that appointment, we can wean off of formula again. I am praying a mighty prayer. This is important to me.

And just to be clear, I do not judge moms that choose to formula feed. She made that decision based off of several different situations in her life and I respect her for that. There was this one group that was recommended to me about breastfeeding on Facebook and I learned a ton from them. But I feel that they also bully people. If you don't agree with the admins, you are less. Your opinion will be deleted. I can't take the pride, the bullying, the hate. I believe we need to love one another, not belittle because they are doing something different than you.

My choice is to try and save my breastfeeding relationship with my baby because he is MY responsibility and this is my choice. Heavenly Father entrusted his precious child to me. And for that, I'm eternally grateful.